Unicorn Baby
by kaitlin1198
Summary: Series of One-shots. All focusing on Amelia, and in relation to Unicorn Baby and Derek. 5th Chapter includes Season 13. Slightly AU. PP & GA storylines
1. Chapter 1

Derek and I hadn't ever had a good relationship. I mean maybe at one time right after Dad died, before the sneaking out and partying and drugs.

Addison on the other hand was always like the nice big sister I had wanted. Nancy and Cathleen were to Mom like to enjoy the prom or my flings.

Right now I blamed her, for everything. And it wasn't her fault, she was just the one that told me my baby had no brain. It wasn't her fault, or mine, and it probably wasn't even the drugs. It just was.

I was, and still am so overwhelmed, me the brain surgeon couldn't help my brainless baby.

I wanted to so bad, I wanted to relapse; it would at least make the pain go away.

Instead I found myself in Seattle, home of the infamous Derek. The best and worst brother I could ever have.

Derek and I didn't catch up, we weren't like that. If we told each other things it was by email or text, and most weren't significant.

The last time I was here I was fresh out of rehab, it was just a few months ago.

Two trips to Seattle in one year? I had never done that.

I glided into the hospital trying to look more confident and smaller than I felt. I was already 5 and half months pregnant, but with my current wardrobe it wasn't obvious.

Derrick would know something was wrong the minute he saw me, I thought, looking down at my lounge clothing.

I sent an intern to find him. While waiting I saw Mark and Webber talking, but tried to make myself invisible because I was in no mood to chat.

They left with the turn of the corner so I thought I was in the clear.

"Amy?" Derrick spoke from behind me, I jumped.

"Nice way to scare people," I commented.

Then followed Derrick into a hallway on the left and he cut straight to the point, "Are you high?" Was his first pointed question.

I pursed my lips, "What would make you think that?"

He didn't look enthused, actually he looked kind of pissed. Like a little ball of flame without the actual fire, "Your a train wreck. If your coming to me with other case I don't know if your," I cut that off.

"How about anencephaly? Do you have a way to fix that?" I asked, cross.

"They don't just make fake brains to put in people,Amelia, although, I think if they did you might need one since it seems you have lost yours." I could see his patience deteriorating by the second, but mine was too.

Stop, now is no time to get emotional. But still tears pricked at my eyes. I knew that, I knew that they didn't make brains all to well. I grabbed Derek by his sleeve and pulled him into a storage room.

He stared at me confused. Why, why me? I laughed coldly tears still swimming down my face. " Now I'm sure you think I'm insane, crazy, belong in the nut house. But I have a brain," I said as I unbuttoned my peacoat, "It's... Its, my b-baby that doesn't." My blurred eyes that had been staring at my shoes as if they were a lifeline slowly creeped to Derek's face.

He just stared, finally I snapped my fingers at him, "I, I don't know why I'm here I didn't think you would actually care it's just that your the only," I was cut off by his arms wrapping around me.

The first time we had hugged in a very long time. For a minute it felt like when I was little, like my big brother was a super hero. Then I felt it sink in, this wasn't something big brother super heroes could fix. It wasn't like I was five or six and he was protecting me from the nightmares.

I was grown, and I'd already betrayed his trust multiple times. There was no way he would ever be my super hero again, and that only made my cries turn in sobs. Gross, painful sobs.

I half expected Derek to untangle my arms and walk away. It wouldn't be that bad considered I almost died on him. He didn't though, because he's Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

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I wanted to snuggle further into his embrace, but when I tried my stomach got in the way, so instead I did the opposite.

"It's already 5, do you need to get home to Meredith or Zola, or... Something?" I struggled to find the right words.

I saw through Derek's eyes. He wasn't about to leave me. They weren't swollen or red like mine, but I could feel there was hurt in there. For me, for not telling him sooner, for having to experience this.

"Why don't you go find my car? Mere and I came in separate ones this morning because of Zola. I'm going to finish up here and call her, then we can go get something to eat. Or something."

I went argue, then re considered. He wasn't about To back down. And I wasn't looking to fight at this moment.

"How about The Melting Pot? I haven't been there in a long time." Derek suggested as we made our way away from the hospital.

I felt my head bob forward slightly, repetitively tracing the 4 months sober keychain I had in my jacket pocket.

The last few months had been so hard. I had the people at the practice, which were great. Sheldon helped anyway he could. Jake was great. And the person that truly felt like family I was angry with.

Not because she was a horrible person, or because there was a legitimate reason to be. I was furious because she's family, and the same person that told me my baby had no way to think.

I was still hurt that Ryan died on me. He wanted this, I didn't want a baby. A terminal baby.

It was all too much. I lost Dad, Ryan, now my baby. I hadn't ever loved any guy. Maybe that was a good thing. All the men in my life I care about have died. Except Derek. Derek is in the car, right across from me.

Most days I wanted nothing more than to shove a whole bottle down my throat, but I couldn't do that.

And that made me even more sad. I started out upset every morning realizing that I was one day closer to my baby dying. I got sad every time I wanted a pill. And then I got mad at myself for craving it.

My brain swam around the thoughts all swirling in my head over and over on a constant cycle.

Derek didn't seem to notice I was having a mini breakdown in the car. Every time I got close to tears my fingers tightened around the plastic until they hurt.

"Ams?" I snapped my head in his direction, "are you ready?"

I nodded just then discovering the car was stopped and parked.

He opened the car door for me, and the door, and pulled out my chair. For a second my heart melted at how much he was going out of his way for me.

We hadn't ever really been through anything like this. I mean Dad dying created some unspeakable bond between us. But we had never been super tight.

After we order drinks he finally broke the silence, "I lost my baby."

My mouth gaped open, "when?" This was news to me.

Derek hesitated thousands of emotions passing through his face in seconds, "I was on the operating table, it was after I got shot. The shooter was pointing the gun at Cristina and apparently Meredith jumped in front of it or something. She miscarried around then."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. This was a game changer, "I'm sorry," I managed for him, and now my heart was the one feeling sad for my brother.

He didn't really move to much, "I never even knew she was pregnant, it was pretty early on. But we still aren't sure she can have kids."

"Der. I didn't even know you wanted kids?"

He sighed, "I didn't think I did. But then I met Meredith and then there was Zola. I just wish we could have our own."

"So can she still have them? She's not infertile, right? You can't just give up."

"Oh, no," Derek said, "we aren't giving up at all."

I smirked at his tone. The waitress came to order our meals, "Aw," She nodded at my belly, "When is the baby due? I just had mine three months ago."

Really, did you have to go there, "August 23rd," I said sharply not offer a smile.

My hand had instinctively shot to my belly but I quickly moved it.

"We are here to talk about you." The voice said soft and gentle from the other side of the table.

I bowed my head slightly, "I'd rather not."

And then, Derek being Derek, "So you really haven't done any drugs?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes Derek, you want some pills I've been hiding?" I said under my breath; dramatically rolling my eyes. I pulled the four month label out, "No, in two days it will be five months."

He breathed out in relief, "I'm sorry, I just had to ask."

"I really wish you didn't," I mumbled picking at my nail. I felt very unlike myself right now. I just wanted him to quit looking at me with all that pity.

"If I take drugs, My baby can't help people," I chose to say.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously, although I think the pieces were starting to connect in his mind.

"I'm donating my baby's organs."

"You can do that? Addison is okay with it?" He wondered.

"Oh, Addie isn't my OB. Someone else named Jake is," I said matter of factly.

"Uh?" His jaw about dropped, eyes boring into mine.

I took a deep breath, "Addison adopted a baby. A really cute little baby named Henry," my gaze had once again returned to the fingers in my lap, "I-uh, I just can't deal with it all. I kinda need to hate someone right now."

"It's not really fair to let Addison be your punching bag. She has a right to be happy," He steered the conversation carefully.

I nodded, "I know, but it's hard enough to make it through the day and trying to be with her and that baby attached to her hip makes it impossible."

I felt Derek nod without looking up, "what helps?"

"You know the answer to that," I replied shortly, then added, "Nothing really helps."

"You think the right choice is to give your baby's organs up?"

I hesitated on this one. I knew that it's what I wanted but it was controversial in the medical field and I didn't know Derek's stance on it. "What do you think?"

"I think there's a four year boy on the peds floor waiting for a kidney. And a three year old that needs a skin graph. Your baby could help people."

"So I'm doing the right thing, for once," Derek supported this. There wasn't a lot that I did that he actually was pleased with. I was flooded with emotions and almost groaned when I felt the tears prick my eyes.

I felt his hand reach across and find mine, " I love you, Ams. I know I don't say that too often, but I really do. Snd I'm here for you; whatever you need."

I bit my lip but more spilled over. We reached out to give each other a hug simultaneously.

"I uh," I paused, "can you please not tell anyone. I just don't want to have to go into all of that when I see people. So just say I came to town to visit. I mean I guess if you want to tell Meredith that's okay, but just other people..."

He nodded in understanding. "Are you staying tonight?"

I nodded.

"Okay, we'll maybe if my schedule is light enough I can find a time we can meet."

"My plan leaves at 5."

"Alright," By now we were heading to the car. And in that moment I didn't feel anything. No pain, anger, sadness, misery. For the first time in close to a year I was content.


	3. Chapter 3

4 Months Later

Derek Shepard had never been to LA before. But when he got a hurried text from his sister saying to come, he didn't hesitate.

"Am's?" He called knocking on the door, and praying that he was at the right apartment.

"Hey," She gave a superficial smile upon opening the door, "I hope I didn't get you at a bad time or anything," She said as she closed the door behind them.

"Oh, no, it's fine. Are you okay, and is uh," His eyes widened at how much bigger her stomach was than just a few months ago. For a few moments he forgot that his little sister wasn't having a baby. She was going to be loosing one.

"I uh, I think I'm okay." She wadded over to the couch, "I'm really sorry to call you when nothing was really wrong. It's just at first the pain kind of freaked me out."

"Pain?" Derek questioned.

"Oh, uh, Braxton Hicks. It just made me nervous," She felt kind of lame for asking him to travel a thousand miles just for no true reason.

"Again, it's okay. I've actually wanted to come visit you a few times. You always have to make the effort to come see me I figured it would be nice the other way around."

He wanted to ask about the baby but decided against it. He didn't want to stir up settled feelings. And he could still see the pain and grief, it sliced right through her eyes.

"I'm due in two weeks," She finally spoke up and he was startled to hear her voice quiver, "I, I kind of wish that he could just stay in here forever. Even if my feet are killing me and my back and all, he's safe in here."

"Hey, hey," He placed his hand over here that rested on her belly.

Derek hurt when his dad died, he was older and wiser. Amy was upset, but she 5. She didn't understand completely, at least not until she was older. And then it was in a different way.

Now he could see it, he could see in her what he had felt for his Dad. It was killing her, the despair was shedding every cell in her heart. When she was little he rocked her to sleep and held her.

Now he didn't know how to make it go away. And he wanted to more than anything.

He finally saw this bond between them. The one he had worked desperately to erase. They had spent one of the most difficult moments in their life together, so of course they would deal with each other in their most vulnerable.

And that was what they avoided when all possible.

He tried to wrap his arms around her. "No," She pushed them back but didn't let go, "I, you, it won't make me stop crying, so don't."

He persisted eventually getting both around her, "No it won't, but at least it will mean your not alone."

"He's gonna die," She kept whispering.

Finally it halted.

"You can't be there, okay?" She sighed on a deep exhale.

"Uh?" He asked.

"When he's born. I, I can't have you there."

"I won't try to hug you," He started to grin. She replicated somewhat.

"It's just something I would like to do on my own. I'm not letting Addison be there either. I've done this, I've had grief and grieved inwardly and openly the last 6 months. The end is just for me to get closure."

Before he argued back he decided to just agree, if this was wanted she wanted, then he would let her have it, "okay. Now why don't we go to bed. It's late."

"When do you have to leave," A sense of worry crept into her voice.

"Not for two days," he let out and heard the relief in her sigh.

Three days later-

Derek had tried to leave at 8pm yesterday when his flight was scheduled but he didn't make it. Something in the air felt different wth Amy here, better almost than some of the arguments him and metro death had been through recently.

This morning Amelia wasn't there when he got up, which was odd because it was so early.

He had pinpointed her by lunch. She was in labor, but he hadn't been up to the floor yet. He hadn't even made it past the lobby yet.

Pete had kept him updated, the baby had been born about 5 minutes ago. He had done as she requested, but now it was time to see her.

She looked so bad, and tired. She wasn't crying, but he knew she wouldn't be.

He held her anyway, even though she was gross and sweaty. Even though she wasn't asking for it. They stayed like that for a while. Until her other family began to gather.

She told him she loved him, and to have a safe trip home.


	4. Chapter 4

Please leave reviews. Also I'm skewing off of the original plot a little, or at least adding something in.

Takes place after 12x15.

Amelia POV:

If Owen could do it why couldn't I?

If Owen could get drunk because of his problems with Riggs, why couldn't I?

Oh, yeah, because I'm an alcoholic.

I mean he didn't even think. He invited me into his house with liquor just laying around.

So if Own could then I could too. At least that's what I told myself as the tequila ran into my mouth and down my throat.

Looks like I would have to have 5 times at 60 days.

And it was all Owens fault, but not really.

Anyone from LA knew that today was important, today was Baby Unicorns day.

Of course, Derek had known. He had hardly made it to my birthing, but he did. And he would have known, he would have told everyone to cut me some slack today.

Not that I would have been appreciative of it. I would have told him to shut up, and that I could handle it.

At least maybe on any other day, or even last year. It wasn't just the anniversary, it was 5 years. Half a decade, and yet I could feel his tiny body like it was yesterday.

I took another drink at that.

I want tonight, I wanted Owen to help me forget. For him to take away my pain, but that clearly wasn't going to happen.

So I ordered another one, and another. The aftermath would be dealt with later.


	5. Chapter 5

Set somewhere in 13x4-13x5

Small Authors Note: I haven't seen either episodes, just the promos, so I'm going in a bit blind.

I read in the internet the other day that Amelia's past from PP was finally catching up to her and this was the first time her 'Unicorn' baby would be exposed. If I'm not mistaken in the episode where Japril have Samuel, didn't she say "my baby lived for 43 minutes" to Owen? Refresh my memory if I'm wrong.

When the stick showed up negative Amelia made an audible noise, but tried to melt into Owen embrace. She knew he wanted this, and he thought that she did too.

The thing was, she did want this. She wanted this badly enough that it terrified her.

But in the back of her head with every mention of the word pregnant and baby she shoved back the notion to tear up.

Maybe Owen had forgotten what she had told him. Maybe he hadn't.

Either way the next day she attempted to avoid him at all costs. She didn't want him to know that she was relieved. She wanted to have his baby, still, just not now.

Clearly, over the five years she hadn't moved on as well as she thought. Maybe she had just compartmented it like everything else.

There would need to be more skeletons drug out of the closet before she was better.

The idea of further fleshing this out with Owen probably scared her more than it should have. She thought about going up to a therapy session, she hadn't had a proper one of those since she was a teenager. Sure Violet had shrieked her a lot, but that didn't count as much. No, this was between her and Owen.

She didn't know how to approach him about it, so she decided to wait it out. When Owen got ready to talk, she would talk.

WWDD, she wondered. She often questioned herself with WWDD, even before everything had happened. She had thought "what would derrick do" ever since the surgery on Dr. Herman.

Except then there was a Derrick, now there was a tombstone. One that she hadn't been to recently.

She checked the surgical board, and slipped out of the hospital for a little bit.

She didn't really do graves. It was like being where the dead was buried would help them hear you.

But she liked to keep his grave looking nice, she added flowers every few months.

When she got there, fresh flowers were already on the stone.

Along with a drawing, from Zola.

"Derrick, I need my big brother right now." She started off, not really sure what to do. "I need you to tell me to stop over thinking. That the chances of anything being wrong again are slim."

It dawned on her what was really going on, "I need you to tell me I'm not who I was when I moved to Seattle. I'm a real adult now. I'm not someone that runs away at the mention of kids and settling down."

Silence, "I need you, I need to hear your voice, and hug you. But I won't, I won't ever again."

It was bittersweet, and she smiled, small and sad.

"I won't ever hug you, or Unicorn Baby, Ryan, or Dad. And I can't tell anybody. It's not easy. Your the only one from there that knows, and your, your not alive anymore."

"It all just sucks," She ended with. Then she picked herself up, and went back to work. Work was doable even when nothing else was.

...

TBC


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